My Mr.

Let me take a moment to talk about my Mr.  He likes his life private so you won't see his name or a picture.  However, he never said I couldn't talk about him! Hehehe!

This man has been my rock for many years now.  This July we will be celebrating 7 years of marriage and 12 years of being a couple (awwww! Mushy gushy!).  He's been strong for me through it all.  He's my calm.  He's my common sense.  He's my "dang Cecily you're crazy and you need to calm down" voice of reason!

Over this last year during my new healthy lifestyle journey he's been supporting me 100%.  I've attempted this lifestyle change so many times over the years you'd think he would be jaded by now.  I can't count how many times I've told him "Honey, don't buy me any more pop or sugary junk food, I'm eating healthy now"; only to send him to the store and expect him to bring back some diet pop, or me coming home late after work with a big bag of fast food.  So I can only imagine what's going on in his head when I bring up joining Boot Camp.

Well like the amazing  person that he is, instead of having a reaction like "here we go again" he has pushed me and supported me all through it.  He is 100% behind me in this.  Sundays are our days the entire family can actually spend a whole day together without someone in school, or mom/dad working.  Boot Camp class is 2-2.5 hours at night on Sundays.  I feel guilty leaving my family to take care of myself.  However, he qualms that guilt that I have.  He reassures me that everyone will be find while I go work on myself.  He understands how important this is and what an opportunity it is.  He knows that now is the time and he is going to make sure I do it!

Not only does he make sure I don't have my usual guilty feelings for leaving, he helps me wake up in the morning.  He always asks how my workouts are.  He has seen me be an emotional wreck and he always asks to make sure I'm ok.  The days I feel especially broken or guilty his response: "We'll push through it".

So I just wanted to put this out there.  It's so important to have personal drive and goals and determination, but it makes it a whole lot easier if you have a great support system like I do.  I love my Mr. and would be lost without him!  Thanks for always having my back no matter what crazy ideas I may jump into especially during these next few weeks of hard work!!!

This has been one of our songs ever since we first met.  

 

Week 1

Week 1 of Boot Camp is complete.  Throughout this first week I have discovered 2 things.  One, I love it.  I love the workouts that Tricia has planned for us.  I've been very careful with my eating and making sure I protein it up before a workout.  My workouts end with me soaking wet with sweat...gross I know but hey that's a good thing!  Secondly, it is a big mental game for me.  Last Sunday night we did a lot of toning work and my body just didn't want to do it.  My arms were shaking, my stomach muscles were screaming.  I started to cry.  Hopefully I'm not the first to do that, haha!  I was so ashamed of the fact that I felt I couldn't do some of the exercises.  I was ashamed of how out of shape I am.  I pushed through it, I cried through it (although I hid it because I hate crying in front of people).  I came out on top a stronger person...mentally.  In time I will be stronger physically.  We all know how great Friday went...cough...NOT...cough...If you're unsure what I mean by that please read yesterday's post titled "Well That Sucked"...ha!

After a full week of early morning workouts, mental battles, and shear exhaustion mentally and physically this is what I've decided.  I've decided to KEEP GOING!  It's been hard and the mental aspect has been especially difficult.  I have high expectations in myself and I tend to disappoint myself.  However, I don't regret trying.  As the saying goes "the only workout you regret is the one you didn't do".  I missed a couple of days because of work or other various reasons...don't worry they are good reasons I missed.  We are onto week 2 now.  Here's hoping for a better week mentally.  My workouts will only get better as I get stronger.

I've been very good with my eating.  Yesterday I was at work until 6am and there was a big box of donuts at work screaming my name...Donuts are my weakness.  I love donuts.  I could live on donuts.  Ahhh donuts....yum.  I resisted!  I am not going to put this much effort into boot camp and myself to screw it up because of some sweet cakey crap.  I've been working to hard to even allow myself a little cheat.  I've been in ketosis, which means I'm burning fat.  Why would I want to work my tail off, spend days burning fat, and then undo it all only for some food that might actually kill me in the end?  How's that for a good way to look at junk food?  Donuts? No thank you, I don't want to die! Truth!

So here's a toast to week 1, as difficult as you were and no matter how many times you made me cry.  I came out stronger.  I will get better.  This is not over!  Week 2 I'm looking at you.  I'm coming at you with a vengeance!  I will conquer this mental game!  I will succeed in these workouts!  I WILL win!

Well That Sucked...

This post is not a pity party...or me asking for sympathy.  This post is just me being able to express how I'm feeling today.  So don't take any worry.  I'll be fine, I always am.  That being said...

I'm feeling very defeated today.  I went to Boot Camp this morning and it was not good.  I knew it wasn't going to be a good one as soon as I heard the alarm go off.  I hit snooze like I always do but I ended up sleeping past when I wanted to.  I wasn't late but I was rushed.  I do not like feeling rushed first thing in the morning.  Also this was the first day of Boot Camp that I struggled to get up and out the door.

I struggled the entire class.  I felt like puking 3 times.  I felt faint 4 times.  Had tunnel vision 3 times, which is my body's signal to me that I'm going to faint if I don't get some fresh air...or oxygen...or something.  I felt claustrophobic the whole time.  I felt like I just couldn't get enough oxygen in my lungs.  On top of that I am experience what women experience every month.  When that happens my cramping actually goes to my thighs which makes moving quickly very difficult.  My legs feel like a billion pounds.  I had to sit out an entire song to avoid fainting.  Every other song I half-arsed it because of various reasons I have listed above.

I don't know about other people but when I do bad in a workout I feel disappointment in myself.  I feel defeated.  Instead of feeling empowered and try to push through a bad workout...I feel as if I'm a failure and just want to throw in the towel.  Everyone else in class was doing so well.  There are people older than me, or bigger than me, or going through chemo for crying out loud.  I couldn't keep up with any of them.  I wasn't just upset with myself for stinking so bad today but I honestly felt like I was dragging everyone down with me.  I felt like I was in the way.  I wanted to hide from my coach.  I didn't want her to see me struggling so much.  I didn't want to disappoint her or anyone.

After class Facebook was flooded with posts from other members offering such great positive outlooks and support.  Everyone else did so great in class and many expressed how amazing they felt after the class.  One post I saw reads: "I am so impressed by the new group of recruits! You girls are incredible!...you newer campers are every bit as strong and motivated!"  I saw this post and was like "you obviously didn't see me in class."  I didn't feel amazing after class like I usually do; I wanted to crawl up into a ball and cry.  In fact, my husband saw how I was feeling and he let me sleep the day away, literally (he's amazing!).

Ugh.  What makes it even worse is that this is only week 1.  Things have to get better right?  I don't know why I struggled so much today.  I've been going strong all week.  I was strong and positive.  I looked forward to the next workout.  Today I just want to...well, I guess this picture says it all.

Ok.  Depressing rant is over.  Tomorrow is a new day.  I teach Bokwa which always puts me in good spirits.  Here's hoping that I can get over myself or whatever my issues are.  I have 5 more weeks of this and it can only get better...right?

Getting SERIOUS!!!

I know I've said it before but I really AM getting serious.  I haven't updated the blog in a bit because I've been up to something.  Let me fill you in!  I joined a Boot Camp.  In particular I joined Studio Zumba's special 6 week program led by the owner, Tricia Truax.  This is Bikini Boot Camp 2.  Classes are 6 days a week, and most of them start at 5:15am (but will soon move to 5am).  After a few months of falling off the wagon I needed a jump start.  I became a Bokwa® instructor to help with that but I have also added this boot camp program.  This will be a shock to my system and will really get me back on track and maybe even help make up for lost ground.

A little under a month ago Tricia Truax and her troops completed Bikini Boot Camp 1, the original.  I was foolish enough to not take advantage this first time around.  Ya'll know me and how good I am at excuses.  I also love my sleep.  So needless to say I let a prime opportunity pass me by.  This time around I am taking the bull by the horn and joining boot camp.  I will be going to as many classes as possible.

In the time that followed the first boot camp I saw a lot of different things.  First and foremost, I saw the CHANGE that each and every member of the first boot camp achieved.  It has been outstanding to see the first group of ladies be so successful!  That boot camp worked!  Also, I saw the bond that they all created with each other.  I saw the support each and every one of them gave to each other.  The members are all so giving to each other.  They have created such a bond with each other that has been truly admirable.

Well to put things simply: I WANT THAT!  I want the accountability; I want the support; I want to be apart of a group of women who strengthen and support each other;  I want the fellowship; I want the results!  So I decided to take advantage of Boot Camp 2.  I should have for the first Boot Camp, but oh well.  This Boot Camp is not going to be without challenges for me.  As I mentioned most of the classes are at 5:15am, I work until 1am Monday-Friday.  By the time I get home from work it's close to 1:30am or  going on 2am.  I have 3 alarms set to wake me up in time to get to class.  I haven't missed a morning class yet!  My husband has been a real trooper.  He's been helping me a lot through this.  He understands how hungry I am for this and how the next 6 weeks might pose some strain on me because of the physical and mental battle I will be going through.  He's awesome though and he supports me 100%...his response to me "We'll push through it".  I'm also taking this course to improve myself as an instructor.  I've taught 5 Bokwa classes so far and they have gone well.  However, I need to work on my endurance!  This course will help improve that and not only make me a better and healthier person, it will help me as an instructor and in turn help my students! It's a win-win situation! 

This second boot camp timing is perfect.  It will be ending right before I go on vacation to see my family.  I will be in week five when I work a long 4-day weekend.  So hopefully some nice results will be in store before I operate a camera in front of thousands of people at Jamboree in the Hills, or before I visit my family for a week (and wear a bathing suit...eeh gad!!)

Wish me luck!  It's going to be a tough 6 weeks.  I'm excited to see what's to come.  I have taken my before pictures and I will be taking measurements.  I can't wait until week 6!  I'm so excited to see my before and after pictures!!! Thank you Tricia for this opportunity and the leadership you provide me and all of the other members of Boot Camp!

Visual Support

Today I came across two graphics that were posted on Social Media.  One in particular was from a friend who posted it with me in mind.  Sometimes it's the most simple picture that can help motivate you to accomplish your goals.  Thanks Laura for thinking of me!  I need to keep this in mind EVERYDAY!

Here's another graphic I came across on Facebook today.  It's from a fellow Bokwa Instructor.  These words ring sooooo true to me.  Unfortunately, I struggle with this.  I make excuses all the time.  I need to keep sight of what's really and truly is important.  No more excuses!!!

Why in the World am I doing this?

I wanted to write this post for my future and current Bokwa students.  I am also writing this for my Bokwa family.  As I've been writing this blog for the last year, I'm on a journey.  My weight was at an all-time high this time last year.  That's when I decided to really take myself seriously.  I had to take a good long hard look at myself and really understand what I was doing to myself by not being active and eating nothing but junk.  I decided to fix all of it.  So for the next 6 months I ate properly and I worked out religiously.  I lost almost 30 lbs. in roughly 6 months!  Amazing right?  Well here's the problem that followed.  I started to really like what I looked like, I had become complacent with myself.  I liked the changes but I lost sight of my goal.

Time went by and I stopped being so strict.  My talent of making excuses started to rear its ugly head.  This whole time I had a great opportunity that I never took advantage of.  I made every excuse in the book the avoid working out and eating right.  Instead I kept pushing it to the side and as I result I lost focus.  I never gave up though; it was always in the back of my mind to get back on track.  It just took me a really long time to get back on track…longer than it should have taken me.

I knew that something had to change.  I had to up my game.  I obviously wasn't strong enough to push myself.  I figured that out quickly.  I never listened to myself when I knew I needed to work out.  Sometimes my husband would try to push me to work out but that just ended up annoying me…sorry babe.  So I had to do something different.  Then I got an idea.

I went to a Master Class at the studio I always go to.  The class was led by my friend Tricia and Zumba ZES Kelly Bullard.  It was a 2 hour class of fun and inspiration.  During the entire class I kept thinking to myself how much fun I was having and how inspiring an instructor is.  I also made note of how much an instructor pushes themselves for their students.  This got me thinking.  I thought “maybe I should become an instructor”. 

I had my reservations though.  I didn't want to become an instructor for attention.  I wanted to become an instructor so that I would push myself and be pushed by others.  If I made working out a job then it would happen.  I've always had a good work ethic.  I know that when somebody is depending on me to show up, there is not a doubt in my mind that I can succeed in doing my job and doing it well.

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So I am refocusing and re-charging.  Saturday marked my 1^st day back.  I have taught 2 classes so far and I am loving it.  It’s such an amazing feeling being able to share my knowledge with people who are hungry for it.  I hope to inspire people to become happy and healthy.  I am going through the same thing as everyone else in class.  I am fighting hard to get to a better version of me.  I hope that I can be the inspiration or the help that someone needs….I hope that I can be the inspiration and help that I need.  I’m forever grateful to the people who gave me a chance and came to my first few classes.  I can only hope and pray that you all continue to have faith in me.  I’m working hard to get better for my family, for my students, for my fellow Bokwa instructors, and most importantly for myself. 

So here we go!  We’re going to “Sweat the Alphabet, and Dance the Digits” together one our way to a better life!  Come join me on my continued journey but down a different path…I think I just had a Pocahontas moment…woah!

In the words of the Paul Mavi, the creator of Bokwa, "...it's all about making someone feel better about themselves and feel better period...Motion creates Better Emotion”.  I hope that I can do just that for myself and for the people of The Ohio Valley.