I'm feeling very defeated today. I went to Boot Camp this morning and it was not good. I knew it wasn't going to be a good one as soon as I heard the alarm go off. I hit snooze like I always do but I ended up sleeping past when I wanted to. I wasn't late but I was rushed. I do not like feeling rushed first thing in the morning. Also this was the first day of Boot Camp that I struggled to get up and out the door.
I struggled the entire class. I felt like puking 3 times. I felt faint 4 times. Had tunnel vision 3 times, which is my body's signal to me that I'm going to faint if I don't get some fresh air...or oxygen...or something. I felt claustrophobic the whole time. I felt like I just couldn't get enough oxygen in my lungs. On top of that I am experience what women experience every month. When that happens my cramping actually goes to my thighs which makes moving quickly very difficult. My legs feel like a billion pounds. I had to sit out an entire song to avoid fainting. Every other song I half-arsed it because of various reasons I have listed above.
I don't know about other people but when I do bad in a workout I feel disappointment in myself. I feel defeated. Instead of feeling empowered and try to push through a bad workout...I feel as if I'm a failure and just want to throw in the towel. Everyone else in class was doing so well. There are people older than me, or bigger than me, or going through chemo for crying out loud. I couldn't keep up with any of them. I wasn't just upset with myself for stinking so bad today but I honestly felt like I was dragging everyone down with me. I felt like I was in the way. I wanted to hide from my coach. I didn't want her to see me struggling so much. I didn't want to disappoint her or anyone.
After class Facebook was flooded with posts from other members offering such great positive outlooks and support. Everyone else did so great in class and many expressed how amazing they felt after the class. One post I saw reads: "I am so impressed by the new group of recruits! You girls are incredible!...you newer campers are every bit as strong and motivated!" I saw this post and was like "you obviously didn't see me in class." I didn't feel amazing after class like I usually do; I wanted to crawl up into a ball and cry. In fact, my husband saw how I was feeling and he let me sleep the day away, literally (he's amazing!).
Ugh. What makes it even worse is that this is only week 1. Things have to get better right? I don't know why I struggled so much today. I've been going strong all week. I was strong and positive. I looked forward to the next workout. Today I just want to...well, I guess this picture says it all.
Ok. Depressing rant is over. Tomorrow is a new day. I teach Bokwa which always puts me in good spirits. Here's hoping that I can get over myself or whatever my issues are. I have 5 more weeks of this and it can only get better...right?
I'm wondering if your good week just made for a worn out Friday. Sometimes it's an accomplishment to survive the workout! You'll do better!
ReplyDeleteI was thinking that to but at the same time I missed my workouts on Wednesday and Thursday. So I had to days of not waking up early or hardcore workouts. It's just been one of those days I guess. Thanks for reading!
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