Pick Me Up

Always move forward...The past is what made you...don't let it break you.

Well, yesterday was a roller-coaster of emotions.  My self-esteem took a big hit.  I'm still trying to repair it.  I have found that doing this big lifestyle change has made me stronger yet at the same time very very fragile.  It's hard to explain it.  Although yesterday pretty much stank, I was able to show myself what strengths I have gained.  Normally when my self-esteem is dragging in the mud and I feel like I'm just not good enough all I would do is eat.  I would grab the most unhealthy food out there and sit in front of the TV and eat, eat, eat.  I would go out of my way to somehow get to a fast food joint to order their worst meal in it's biggest size and eat, eat, eat.  I didn't do that yesterday.  

Instead I crocheted 2 (yeah count 'em) baby blankets.  I kept my hands busy.  You can't eat and crochet at the same time.  That night at Studio Zumba my instructor/coach, Tricia Truax, was having her big comeback class.  So I waited until I could get to that class.  I crocheted, played with the kids, and waited....

I made it to the class, put on my new shoes, and danced my sorrows away.  Tricia has these awesome moves in a couple of the routines that consisted of punching the air.  I punched the air with all my might.  That class was awesome.  I kept up as best I could.  My emotions were running all over the place.  At times I was laughing, other times I was crying.  I was just in a weird place emotionally and this workout gave me the pick me up that I needed.  I walked away after the class feeling much better.

After watching myself handle this situation, it makes me so glad to know how much I have changed.  I would damage myself so much in the past.  I would have a "who cares" attitude.  Well, guess what? I care.  I care about myself too much this time to mess it up just because something upset me.  We all have our ups and downs.  My down was pretty low yesterday.  What matters is how we handle it.  I thank God that I have found the strength to keep fighting for myself.  I do care, I do matter.  I've worked too hard to mess this up.